


Rumpled Collar

by Corde_And_Dorme



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, White Collar
Genre: F/M, I Don't Even Know, Kinda?, Nothing happens but it's hinted at if you squint or whatever, ObiKin?, One-Shot, Pure Crack, white collar au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 04:38:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17277194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corde_And_Dorme/pseuds/Corde_And_Dorme
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi, of the J.E.D.I, has been chasing Anakin Skywalker, a thief and conman, for years. But when the world changes, government agencies need to change with it. And so they decide to offer Anakin Skywalker a job.Been meaning to post this for a while. The White Collar! AU that absolutely NOBODY asked for except one Discord channel like... months ago.It's kinda cracky, but also kinda serious. I had fun writing it! It's a one-shot, but I may come back and revisit it later.





	Rumpled Collar

Two in the bed. Female. Male. Nearly equal height, even stretched out and entwined. One ginger. One brunette. Legs tangling in creamy pale off-white sheets. Breath puffing. Moans. Groans. Hot kisses trailed up stomach, to throat, to lips and back again. Beard scratches. Nails digging. It’s wild, controlled, but easily filled with fire. There is no stopping, just movement. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow - constant. Groan answered by groan. Moan answered by moan.

Satisfaction. 

Padme and Obi-Wan collapsed back onto the bed, huffing and breathing hard as they tried to catch their bearings.

It was silent for only a moment.

“So,” Padme said, with a twinkle in her eye as she looked at her husband. “Anakin Skywalker, huh?”

Obi-Wan chuckled before shaking his head ruefully.

“Anakin,  _ karking,  _ Skywalker,”

* * *

Miles away, in a flat in london, Anakin Skywalker sneezed.

“Bless you, darling,” Ventress said, sipping her tea and continuing to read her book unimpeded.

“Just means someone is thinking of me,” he replied, with a saucy grin. “And I bet I know just the person!”

“Leave Kenobi alone, Ani,” Ventress snorted as she flipped a page. “He’s married, like fifteen years older, and way smarter than you,”

Anakin was offended. Highly, highly offended.

“He is not smarter than me!” Anakin hissed over the counter before jumping up and twirling away dramatically in his blue-as-his-eyes kimono. “I’ve out thunk him. Out maneuvered him. Out outed him in every way!”

Ventress sighed and rolled her eyes. Considering the man was married, and not ‘out’ of the closet, maybe he should rethink that.

He did this every morning after all. And over the stupidest things. Yesterday had been over his too-hard boiled egg. Which was ridiculously, that egg had been perfect. Not even a sulfur ring! The idiot. But still, he was her idiot, Ventress thought fondly.

Her phone buzzed with a text and she threw her book she hadn’t actually been reading for the past month over her shoulder - Anakin hadn’t even noticed, so self absorbed was he - and snatched up the phone to read a text from her lover, R2D2:

**_Let’s get away this weekend._ **

Ventress damn near crowed. She’d been waiting for this for half a year!

“Ani! Darling!” Ventress called as she jumped up to twirl her purple bunny kimono around her body tightly. “I’m leaving you!”

Anakin was too busy muttering curses into his hotcoco to hear her.

* * *

“What’d he steal this time?” Padme asked, pulling the covers over them, since it was starting to get chilly.

“That’s just the thing,” Obi-Wan smirked. “He didn’t steal anything this time,”

Padme raised a brow, almost impressed.

“Anakin? Going a month without stealing something?” She smirked right back at her husband. “Well I guess this is a momentous occasion!”  She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, hoping to start and finish something for the third time that night. 

Obi-Wan threw back his head and laughed, which gave her the perfect angle to kiss his very kissable throat. That wasn’t even a question for her, and she darted in to distract him. Which didn’t work all that well, since he could multitask.

“Mhmm,” He made a soft and pleased sound. “And another thing, we’ve gotten some ... news from the higher ups.”

“Mhmm?” Padme asked, kissing and nipping at his neck. 

“They want to - hmm, mhmm -  they want to bring him in,”

“Pfftt,” She blew a raspberry against his skin before leaning back. “Well, duh, isn’t that your job?”

“I don’t mean in handcuffs,” Obi-Wan stressed watching as her face did an impressive face journey.

From bemusement, those kiss-red lips pursed thoughtfully, then to shocked confusion, stomping right into blatant fluster, and then settling into wonderment.

“Wait. Are you... Are you telling me that the J.E.D.I... Yoda and Mace themselves, actually want to bring in Anakin Skywalker, thief and conman extraordinary.... To work with them?”

The J.E.D.I. (Which stood for Justice Eradication Department Internally) were the most stuck-up, rule abiding son-of-bitches this side of the Tatooine desert.  Worse than the CIA and the FBI by more than half. Obi-Wan fit into the workplace perfectly.

“I know,” Obi-Wan said, quirking a smile. “I’m not sure what to think of it... they’re calling it a Talent Acquisition,”

Padme pulled back from their tangle of limbs fully. “Talent Acquisition?”

“Yup,”

“Anakin Skywalker isn’t some singer, songwriter combo. Or a comedian. He’s a criminal,” Padme huffed. “And probably one of the most unorthodox criminals around, which is what makes him so good. You’ve said so yourself!”

Obi-Wan slumped into the pillows. 

“I know,  _ I know _ . It’s going to be either the best thing that ever happens to our agency, or the absolute worst thing to come about since the S.I.T.H.,”

Padme winced.

Yeah. Alright, that was a true statement.

“When are they going to be... offering him employment?”

“Tomorrow,”

“So then was this pity me sex or happy sex?” Padme asked her husband.

Obi-Wan shook his head ruefully.

“I’ll let you know tomorrow,”

* * *

Anakin sat slouched on his patio in his kimono, soaking up the sun's rays as he usually did around this time of day, except he wasn’t smiling, nor did he looked as happy as his usual 2:30 sunbathing called for.

Ventress had left him. For good. Gone. 

He knew that he wasn’t exactly her end game, she’d been pretty blatant about her like of women rather than dicks, but he had thought they at least had something good. Something that didn’t require secrets. Like a badass russian side-chick who didn’t have a ‘name’ just a title.

Or was he the side-chick? He was still confused on that point...

Anakin sighed dramatically, flinging his arm over his eyes. 

“I heard about Ventress, Ani,”

Anakin had already heard C3P0, otherwise known as Mozzi in other circles, enter. He had a heavy toe-heel walk. The conman sighed, dramatically, before turning to look at his pudgy, bald, unassuming friend. He was the only other con man he could call friend (that hadn’t tried to kill him that is), and was also his lawyer, as well as his notary, and just about everything else.

“She just... left,” Anakin said, deflating into his seat.

“Yeah, I told you she was a shark, that one,”

Anakin rolled his eyes. He had. Often. But was not really the time to shove his nose in it?

“Still, thought she’d be a little nicer about it,”

“What’d she say?” C3P0 asked as he set down his briefcase and sat at the table. 

Anakin knew immediately there was a reason that his friend was here. He only brought the briefcase onto the patio for business. Otherwise he left it in the house with his umbrella. 

Still, Anakin let his friend come to discuss what needed to be discussed in his own time. 

“She said I was a whiny man-child who wasn’t going anywhere in life,” Anakin said, dully. “That I was self absorbed and selfish and annoying and - And that I was a mediocre thief,”

C3P0 winced. 

“That’s rough buddy,”

“It’s life,” Anakin snorted with a sigh. 

“That’s true,” C3P0 agreed, before fiddling with the handle of his briefcase. It was such a blatant clue that Anakin took the hint. 

“What’s in the case Moz?”

The little man became animated as he started unbuckling and opening the case, “Alright, so it goes like this, right? I get a call on my Lawyer-Cell, the one I give out in regards to you. Right?” 

“Right.”

“So I’m sitting there, minding my own business and I get a call - guess from who, Anakin. Just, guess.”

He pulled out a folder. 

Anakin decided to humor him. Who would be the most outrageous person to call? 

With a smile, Anakin knew exactly who.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi?” He questioned with the hint of a smile. 

Except C3P0 said, “Close,”

And pushed the folder over to him.

Blinking, Anakin realized that this was a lot more serious than he thought it was going to be. Opening the folder, Anakin's life changed and tilted on its axis. Violently.

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi was in his office when he got the call. It was from an unknown number, but not anonymous. It could literally be anyone, except he knew who it was. With a disbelieving smile, he answered.

“Kenobi.”

“ _ Tell me this isn’t a serious offer, _ ”

Obi-Wan stopped what he was doing and turned his full attention to the man on the other end of the line.

“I can assure you, Skywalker, it’s real. And very serious,”

“ _... Alright, wasn’t expecting that. Why? _ ”

“I’m assuming you are asking why now? Why you?”

“ _ Sure _ ,”

“Well, I have it on good authority that white-collar crime is on the rise and the J.E.D.I. have been tasked with stopping said crime from happening as well as returning stolen property back to their owners,” Obi-Wan said, making it clear that this was already known information. “It has been brought to my attention over and over that we are lacking in... experts,”

_ “You most certainly are.” _

“Yes, yes so you’ve said.”

“ _ This is serious. You’re serious _ ,” Skywalker sounded completely baffled, his voice tight. 

“Believe me, Yoda and Windu, would not have written out a specialized CI contract with a known criminal for nothing,”

“ _ And this whole... forgiveness for crimes over the past eight years? _ ”

“Serious,”

“ _ And an actual salary? _ ”

“You’re making considerably more than me if you take it,” Obi-Wan admitted.

“ _ Wait. What? Seriously? Now, come on Kenobi, let’s be reasonable here, this is a nice salary but anything less and I’d walk, _ ”

Obi-Wan’s heart skipped a beat. He stared out into the bullpen to see Ahsoka watching him with a cocked eyebrow. Next to her, her partner, Bariss, also was watching him. His team was aware of who he was on the phone it seemed. Didn’t help that Ahsoka could read lips, either.

“Does that mean you’re taking the deal?”

“. _.. It seems I’d be an idiot not to take it, _ ” Skywalker said. “ **_allegedly_ ** ,”

Then he hung up.

Obi-Wan blinked bemusedly.

"That made absolutely no sense."

* * *

“What the hell was that about?” Ahsoka demanded as she stomped in. “You were talking to Skywalker about making a deal. What deal? What's going on, sir?”

Obi-Wan sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose and pushing his glasses upward. How to explain what was very close to the worst-slash-possibly-best decision the company had ever made?

“Anakin Skywalker is being brought in.”

Keep it vauge. Good. Yes. Perfect.

Ahsoka brightened. “We finally got the bastard?“ She punched the air in a fit of youthful exuberance. “Yes!” 

Obi-Wan watched her with a fond smile for a moment, before breaking the news to her.

“Not quite. We’re bring him in. To work for us.”

That set his young apprentice off much more in line with as he thought it would.

“What.” Her mouth had dropped, eyebrows climbed to the top of her forehead, and she blinked like a dumb blindsided deer.

Obi-Wan set aside his paperwork and spelled it out for her.

* * *

The day came when Anakin Skywalker was to sign his modified CI contract the entire floor of the J.E.D.I. was watching and waiting. Nothing was getting done, yet everything was a buzz. There were two schools of thought on how this was going to go:

The first was that Anakin Skywalker was going to fuck it up within minutes. No one was sure how, but they were absolutely sure if that if someone could figure out a way, it would be him.

The second was that if he managed to survive a day without fucking up, he was probably going to be the best investment the firm had ever made. Skywalker wasn’t known for his subtlety. He was suave, sure, but kind of like bird doing a bizarre mating dance at all moments of his life. Quick, in and out before you knew what hit you, but not calm and even and quiet about it. There was a lot to be said about the young man, but nobody could really nail down his age except between twenty-five to thirty.

It had been decided between the powers that be in the J.E.D.I. and the lawyer that Skywalker had, codename C3P0, that they would meet in London. Away from US jurisdiction but with enough friendlies that if things went sideways they would have the chance to recover. 

And it was just Skywalker, but the man was slippery. 

A genius. A tinkerer. If the J.E.D.I. had backup plans, Skywalker had the luck of the devil to evade every single one of their carefully plotted plans on the balls of his feet. Obi-Wan would know. He’d laid trap after trap and still failed to capture the man.

Obi-Wan sat at the cafe, next to the fountain, well aware that this was as ‘inconspicuous’ and public as they could get within Skywalkers strange list of demands. Had to be near water, couldn’t be near any embassies, no schools, and with a clear line of sight from the west. All the demands had been delivered with the no-nonsense letter that was favored by C3P0 and his clients.

Even on guard, somehow, Skywalkers still managed to get the drop on him. The bug in his ear spoke not a word except endless chatter of checking and rechecking, double checking and confirming entrances, suspects, and anything out of place. There was a group of rowdy kids to the south. Someone had lost a dog and was recruiting anyone they could to the search. A whole lot of distractions. And still Anakin sat down right in front of him like he was born to be there.

“Hello, Obi-Wan,” The man stated as he plopped arrogantly and primly into the seat across from him. “Miss me?” 

Surprised, Obi-Wan still didn’t let it show, he put down his tea. “Hardly.”

The bug in his ear quieted suddenly.

Skywalker was dramatic and grasped his chest in mock hurt, or perhaps real hurt, it was hard to tell. The man was a known and wanted art thief, and yet he still managed to act like a two year old who’s crayon was drawing was ripped up in front of them.

“Hardly? Obi-Wan! After all this time? You wound me!”

“Does not change the facts,” Obi-Wan stated dryly. “You’ve managed to escape me at every turn. Just because we’re seeing eye to eye now does not mean it will always be so,”

Anakin Skywalker suddenly turned from a sullen two-year-old into a statue in the manner of a second. 

“Are you telling me you had nothing to do with the contract I’m here to sign?”

Obi-Wan was a trained operative, but even he stilled at the pure determined steel in the younger man’s voice. 

“Of course I did,” Obi-wan lied.

Skywalker watched him for a moment before he turned his smile onto killawatt.

“Okay, here’s the contract, signed, sealed, and now delivered,” And he pulled out a folder with carefully closed but not sealed. He placed it on the table between them. “We didn’t take liberties to change anything, either, if that’s what you’re thinking. C3P0 informed me that I wasn’t getting the salary increase, nor the forgiveness for crimes past eight years, but I’ve found the rest of the contract to be... suitable.”

Obi-Wan opened it up and flipped through the required paperwork. It was all signed with Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan raised a brow and looked at him. “We did say to use your real name.”

Skywalker smiled. “Skywalker is my real name,”

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes and tried to find the lie. They knew that Anakin Skywalker wasn’t his real name. Nobody named Anakin Skywalker in the states were unaccounted for, the man didn’t have an accent except when he was surprised and then there was a twang, but none of the missing persons cases looked a thing like Anakin.

And they had run his face through every kind of scan they could when he had first appeared on the scene.

When Obi-Wan didn’t respond Anakin just huffed and rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine, it’s the only one that matters. Good enough?”

Obi-Wan waited for the bug in his ear to chirp affirmative or not. Mace the one on the other end with the acceptable jurisdiction. 

_ :He’ll be more apt to slip up if we just accept it as it is. Confirmed. Welcome him to the team,: _

Obi-Wan turned his eyes back to the papers, for a quick once over, before nodding. 

“All’s in order,” He confirmed. Then held out his hand for Skywalker to shake. The man’s smile didn’t dim a single watt and he shook Obi-Wan’s hand firmly, no limp noodles around. 

“To a long and good partnership,”

And that was it. Apparently they now had Skywalker on their payroll. Obi-Wan wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Skywalker was doing this for his own reasons, though it was a good deal. Forgiveness for his crimes (alleged) and a job to boot. If the man decided to do anything illegal, they at least knew where to find him and bag him in the interim. A ‘safe house’ of sorts had been put together for him in Seattle. 

“Shall we?”

“Sure,” Skywalker shrugged, snapping a quick selfie, as Obi-Wan got up and they both began to walk away from the very public area and into a nearby building. The one where the rest of Obi-Wan’s men were conveniently located. 

Inside the building, the first level was nothing but a lobby with a reception desk. Skywalker raised a brow as they bypassed the elevator to the stairs to the second floor, where everything and everyone was set up. There were only four people, two technicians watching the cameras, Ahsoka, and Mace, but it was enough to catch far stupider criminals than Skywalker.

“Well hey there,” Skywalker greeted flirtily to the very first person at the door to the stairs, who just happened to be Ahsoka.Obi-Wan almost laughed as her expression turned nearly feral.

“Pack it in flyboy,” She snarked. “You’re most certainly not  _ my type _ ,”

To Skywalker’s benefit, he understood immediately. Something twitched behind his eye before he sighed, dramatically, like an actor would on the big stage. “Just my luck, beautiful lady, and she’s playing for the other team. They always are. Am I right?” He pointed the question to Obi-Wan at his side.

“I wouldn’t know,” And he wouldn’t. He and Padme had been married for going on eight years now and he hadn’t even thought of looking at another woman in all that time. Though there had been Satine before, but she had certainly been as into him as he had been into her. But there was something to be said for guard duty of a princess, and falling in love with the target was not allowed. For either of them.

Skywalker just rolled his eyes hard. 

“Whatever,”

It was times like this that Obi-Wan honestly couldn’t guess his age. Sometimes he acted like the genius thief he was, and other times like a pouty child. And other’s like a twenty year old fed up with living in his parents basement. 

“Skywalker,” Mace greeted once everyone seemed to finish their ‘stupid’ greetings. “I trust you are all packed up?”

“Yeah, yeah. Gotta move to Seattle, I remember that being ‘necesse malum’,” Skywalker agreed. “One thing you wouldn’t budge on.”

Mace’s expression was hard.

“We’re giving you a lot of lee-way already. We need to keep an eye on you for this to work.”

“What?” Skywalker said, all big eyes and guilless expression. “You don’t trust me?”

Everyone knew the answer to that, and none of them answered it. 

“As I was saying - you need to be ready to go by six this afternoon. We have your transport arranged for. Obi-Wan will be by your side the entire transition. You start work on monday. Any questions?”

Skywalker was silent for a moment, observing Mace and his completely blank expression. Mace was not known to give any quarter and was very cut and dry. Obi-Wan had heard him crack one joke in all the time he had ever worked with the man. And it had been a knock-knock joke that he hadn't even laughed at. Anakin, of course, didn't know this, but he observed the man seriously. Obi-Wan thought, for a hot moment, that the next thing out of his mouth, would be something intelligent. 

“Any suggestions for places to eat?”

Oh. How Obi-Wan was coming to realize regret.


End file.
